How does it feel to be in Negative Equity?

My home is in negative equity to the tune of about 50%. To be honest, this is really what prompted me to start this blog.
It's not that it happened recently-it was obvious when we bought the house in 2007 that this was the case-almost immediately I had that sick feeling in my stomach.
But it has taken me 4 years to acknowlege and accept the fact that this may be my home for the rest of my life-and not to feel terribly sad about that fact.

I mean, it's not like its a box but its hardly a dream home. Like many people, it was bought as a stepping stone to something better-the dream house. It was also, like many people, bought in a hurry with cheap money and easy credit.  I look around and get annoyed at the obvious short cuts the builder took-the cheap and nasty finish-clearly the estate was built in a hurry with little regard for longevity. There are many bugbears that I used to fret about, but now I just don't-it's time for me to move on from being bitter and angry.

I do thank my lucky stars that our lender is not terrible and also that although we are strapped for money as a family, we have never defaulted on our mortgage.
The worst thing about Negative equity really is the sense of being trapped-with no way out.
We can't sell as its not worth selling-we certainly won't get a mortgage of a similar amount or more now that austerity has bitten in deep.
Moving and renting elsewhere will likely cost us more for less. So it's just a bit depressing.
As I approach the mid point of my life, I must admit that I never imagined that we'd be trapped. It affects everything-your sense of position in society, your dreams of the future-just really ripped apart.
And there's more...
Instead of selling our starter home we chose to hold onto it as our pension. Of course it has been remortgaged so much that it is barely worth owning. It is rented out thank Goodness but worthless. We hang onto it in the vain hope that someday we'll be able to afford to pay off that mortgage.

Negative equity has affected  a lot of households and all of my neighbours-all middle class, middle income, aspirational families-all of whom behind the hall door are going through the same struggle as me. Some of whom are unemployed and probably in poor relationships. I am thankful to my family and for my healthy happy children. I am happy that my kids are growing up with some freedom and lots of friends owing to the estate and community we live in.
What we've lost in financial terms, we have gained in our sense of place and that can only be good.
But I still sometimes catch myself looking at beautiful homes, highly aspirational glimpses of what might have been and wonder-will my lottery numbers come in tonight? If they do, then I've decided already that I'm not giving a penny to this mortgage! I'll Spend Spend Spend.

MJ